Last night, we biked.

Hi there blog.

It's me, your writer.

I apologize for the extended technological vacation.

But, you see, it's May.

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It was 8:30, but no one could sleep.

Claire had had a nap, Max had a late nap, and both were fighting the good fight against the sandman. Keeping each other and the tired big boys up in the process.

Sighing and looking out the window I wanted to be anywhere but returning a screaming banshee toddler back to her bed for the hundreth time. The sun hadn't set yet on a beautiful day, the first after a long stretch of rain. I grabbed Max and settled on the couch to sulk with chocolates, hoping Claire would settle so I could let him try again in a minute. I watched Troy struggle to focus on spite of the racket, in spite of the screaming and crying and footsteps, in spite of my storming, as he worked away on a built in shelf unit for our tv 'stuff'. I tried to drum up lines from the helpful book I've been reading, Buddhism for Mothers. Impermanence. Nothing is permanent, bad moments pass, so do good, don't dwell on the good, be present in the bad too. My mind wandered to the window again. Sigh. I wanted to be out there.

My eyes settled on my new wheels, the two-wheeled kind, I had gotten a new bicycle for my birthday. The kids stroller we got last year made sense now, since it wasn't just a stroller, it hooked onto my bike as a trailer. I had tried it out for the first time the other day on a long ride with my sister, it was awesome, so freeing, I felt like I had a little piece of me back. My sister and I chatted as we biked, catching up on things we never had time to chat about. There was no guilt of leaving the kids behind to do something for myself, no complications of someone else watching them or watching the time. The babies rode happily in back, taking in the scenery, my kids in their stroller, my niece on the child's seat on my sister's bike.

Wait a minute.

The bike!

A bike ride was just what Claire needed, what the whole house needed. Peace and quiet for the boys to sleep, calm for Troy to work, a bit of outdoor freedom for Mama.

So we went, Claire and Max settled sleepily into their chariot with jammies and blankies.

Oh, the air! The air was that perfect spring almost summer evening air, cool and warm. On my face, on my arms, on the kids tired eyes.

Pedal pedal pedal.

I quickly approached and passed my favorite spot, where the river reaches up onto a flat marsh and the waterfowl gather, the point in our strolls where I turn around before the kids get restless. I could hear the frogs peeping, the birds chirping, a woodpecker somewhere in there.

Past the sound of water trickling, past the house with the pretty stone, past the old rusty tractor.

Pedal pedal pedal. A quick peek. Not sleeping yet.

Thighs burning, I forgot I had decided last time that I need to raise the seat. I must do that before another ride. Gah. Those muscles haven't been used in awhile. I really should have given at least a little attention over the last few years to my fitness level.

I could smell water. "Smell it?", my brain asked itself. Yes, definitely smell it. It brought me back to laying in bed as a little girl, trying desperately to fall asleep while the sun still shone, my window open to the noises of the pond nearby. The peepers, the ducks, and that smell.

Breathing harder, getting hotter, shift down for a bit, shed the sweater.

Pedal pedal pedal.

Past men mowing in tandem, the smell of grass thick. Dandelions. Blossoms fragrant.

A neighbour I don't know nods hello with a smile at the kids, halts his mower as we pass so we don't get pelted.

A beautiful sprawling lawn, how do they get their mowing lines so straight? My I have more of my father in me than I realize sometimes.

Dead squirrel. Brains mashed onto the road. Nice. Ugh. Are squirrels really that big? Gah. Are the squirrels living in our roof that big? It's the size of a small cat. I must get Troy to do something to get rid of them. That's huge. What in the hell do you do about squirrels anyway? I recall with a shudder the squirrel race in my bedroom ceiling the other night. There's still crown moulding missing above my bed. Yes, there's a large crack above my head and there's squirrels running around. I moved to sleep with Seth that night. Yes, must begin squirrel eradication.

Pedal pedal pedal.

A pretty orange cat stalks in tall grass. A girl chats on her cell phone on the back of a truck. I wonder if she's seeking a quiet space too, if her parents drove her crazy and if she would rather be anywhere but there. I remember there.

Pedal pedal pedal.

Sun setting pink behind the mountain. The river shines and oscillates, sparkling pink.

Another peek, she's asleep. Should I go back now?

Well, I'll just pedal a little more.

A peek at the world

For Maxwell that is. Max hit a big milestone today, he now wants to look out, snuggling inwards just won't cut it.

I was doing errands today, with Max in the sling, where he and I are happiest. I'm a big fan/advocate of the baby sling. My baby's love to be in there, feel comforted and close to mama and usually cozy in and fall asleep. I love that they are happy, and I love that my back isn't breaking while attempting to lug the heavy and awkward car seat around. So Maxwell's infant car seat is just that, a seat for the car, and most of the time I take him out for errands and plop him into the sling.

There's recent controversy about slings due to news coverage of infants suffocating in them. My response to this? As with anything, you need to be careful and attentive to baby. I didn't use the sling with Max until he was about three weeks old, when I felt he fit and it worked for us. And then in the early weeks of using it, you still pay attention that the baby is positioned properly and can breathe. Common sense really. Babywearing has existed safely for thousands of years, and I feel this panic is the usual media driven negative response to techniques that are old, assuming that new must mean better. But today's babies spend so much time alienated in plastic seats, from their carseats to their swings and their strollers, limiting their closeness with mom, and later, limiting their opportunities to explore. Seth's physiotherapist has even commented on the rise in cases she's dealt with of flat head's in infants from the combination of the new back to sleep recommendation and extended use in all of these hard plastic seats.

I made my first sling way back when Thane was a baby, a simple tube of fabric reinforced at the shoulder with four or five seams. I still use that one occasionally. I eventually bought another sling second hand, made by Peanut Shell, and on their site I came across an excellent section on how to position baby. It was a really helpful guide in how to use the sling, making the sling even more useful for me. Back to my original train of thought, up until now Max has been happily snuggled in the sling in the cradle carry, the position that works best for newborns, supporting their heads and snuggling them horizontally, in towards you. Today though, he kept squirming and just didn't seem content in the sling, which was unusual. Then it dawned on me, that he's almost two months old and maybe I should try the next position, where he can face out. I situated him around into the 'kangaroo carry', with his back to my chest and his legs curled up crosslegged, and all of a sudden he was happy as a peach, peeking out at the world, making all the passerby's melt at his cuteness.

My baby's getting bigger.

Claire, snuggled in kangaroo style in 2008, at 6 months old.

My Life in Strollers.

I've been on a big wheel double stroller search. This is the only item on the to-buy list for this fourth babe.

I'm generally not a fan of crazy amounts of baby gear, but I'm all for the right stroller. Being able to get out with baby WITH EASE is so important. There are so many things that make it difficult to get out of the house with kids, the thought of struggling once you're on an outing shouldn't add to it. I'm not, however, into spending a thousand dollars, or even half that, on a grand baby chariot.

We had a Cosco big wheel single jogging stroller since Thane was born, a wonderful big present from Troy's parents when we didn't even have a car. The big wheels are smooth on trails (we lived beside Halifax's Point Pleasant park at the time, full of walking trails) and great for snowy sidewalks. This stroller had a great feature where the seat switched so baby could face forward or face you. It was very convenient to be able to tailor the stroller to suit the baby's mood, age, or the weather. This also meant there were feet rests on the front and back of the stroller that created an unofficial double stroller, where my toddler could stand on the back feet rest when the baby was facing forward. Unfortunately this stroller didn't make it to baby #4, by it's last days it neither switched seat positions or collapsed anymore. We decided it wasn't worth the space it would take to make the move from province to province.

I don't always need a big wheel stroller. To begin with I am a big advocate of a baby sling. My babies loved and craved that closeness, enjoying the movement and napping while being close to mama. I enjoyed being able to provide them that closeness while still being on the go, have the use of my hands, and be able to keep up with my older babies at the same time. However, as they get bigger it isn't something my back can take for long outings (and in my case a tired mama with a breaking back is not a patient mama) but I usually have the sling stuffed in the stroller bottom in case a snuggle need arises. Being tied to a plastic seat is not the most nurturing and happy place for baby.

For longer hikes and a one to two year old in tow, we have our 'baby backpack' for Troy to carry. His stronger shoulders bear the toddler better but we still have a resting place to offer the babe when their little legs can't keep going and the terrain isn't for wheels.

Somewhere along the way I discovered that umbrella strollers are indispensable for errands, the perfect 'mall stroller'. I keep one in each car all the time now, just in case. They get their name for how small they fold up, and they're so light and inexpensive. Mine are cute and orange, and were less than $40 at Zellers. You can get them for $10, but I find those ones not quite tall enough for me. For this baby I plan to get a set of stroller connectors also, inexpensive removable attachments that connect two umbrella strollers to make one double.

When Claire was an infant, I stumbled upon the Snap N' Go stroller base. Since they don't recline or have a lot of support, umbrella strollers don't work for newborns but the snap n' go filled the errand stroller void for those six months. Mom can take the infant carseat from the car without removing baby and just place it on the stroller base, where it snaps in place. Since it really is only useful for maybe six months I wouldn't recommend spending the retail ninety dollars for it, I was pleased that I scored and found it for $40 on Kijiji. I will probably be able to turn around and sell it again for the same.

And that leads me to why I want a double big wheel stroller. It's not for the mall or errands, they are comparitively heavy and really don't fit in the trunk well, at least not leaving room for groceries by any means. I would like a stroller that will fit both the new baby and Claire for walks, the kind of walks we do everyday from our driveway. When Claire was born I still lived in suburbia and did a lot of sidewalk walking and thought about buying the Joovy Caboose for my two littlest ones. Now though, the trail near our house is gravel and the little Caboose wheels just won't be optimal, and Claire is a year younger than Seth was at the time, so I think she would benefit from her own seat rather than the back sit or stand choice.

Now what KIND of a big wheel double stroller? I think I'd like a side by side because one behind the other can get very difficult to steer, and for my use I'm not worried about the width and fitting through doors. Really, I'm still holding on to finding something second hand for under $200. Unfortunately, I think a million other people also have this in mind. My rural shopping grief extends to my online second hand Kijiji shopping, the selection just isn't there and there are more wanted ads than for sale. Since I still have my Halifax family to do pickups for me though I've been scouring the Halifax Kijiji, but without much luck even there. I've found mostly small wheeled doubles, or really high end big wheel doubles, like the Bob Revolution. This stroller crossed my mind, at $850 new the seller was asking $500 for the used one. I'm having a little indecision on this one because with it's high end quality and popularity I probably could still sell it later for a fair amount. I've thought about just getting a bike stroller/trailer. I could use this to push when walking or behind my bicycle and they retail around $160, but the seats don't look very comfortable or fit for a newborn. There's also a Baby Trend Expedition double at Toys R' Us for $260. I checked it out in person the other night and it doesn't feel like it's lacking in quality. It strolls and steers smoothly, each seat reclines seperately, it's light enough, and folds up easily. It is also comparable to used prices I've been finding, but then my ethical issues arise. Surely I can do my part for the environment and reuse a stroller already out there, it seems so silly to buy baby gear new when you use it for such a short period, and sometimes low prices indicate deeper trouble warnings. Annie Leonard's voice reverberates in my ear, "How can I get an item priced this low? Someone paid for it, in lack of benefits, low salary, through environmentally or socially irresponsible big company shortcuts in the name of low prices."

Thoughts? Stroller experience? Pass it on, I'm eager to hear how you tote your littles around!