The Unpublished.

Behind the blog in the list of published posts, there are the drafts. Those posts unfinished, an idea conceived but unborn, sometimes rambling, unorderly, too-long thoughts with no wrap-up. Incomplete pieces I was unable to bring around into a full and coherent idea, short on time to finish writing or when the positive spin on a negative spiel was eluding me. Whatever the reason, a missing link short of hitting publish. But tucked into the folds there are bits of brillance, however unfinished, that I thought I'd post today as I cleaned up that list.

There are interesting links that never got connected to a post, like:

• Are parents happy?
• I just finished this fascinating book, Our Babies, Ourselves; How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent, by Meredith F. Small
• This 'bookworm' party and invite idea is very cool.
• David Suzuki, Eat for a healthy planet

Some posts are only a title, content empty, nothing more than a glimpse of a thought. One was titled “Sometimes, I’m wrong.” Yep. Sometimes I certainly am. Although I have no idea now what that particular admission was referring to right then.

Some posts make me laugh, like this one, “To allowance or not to allowance” from February 2010.

We've been thinking about giving Thane an allowance. Well, mostly, Thane's been thinking about buying things.

One thing in particular. He turned seven in the fall and received his coveted DS. This had been his major request since the Christmas before so we figured it was time. He was very stoked about the gift, DS'd his eyeballs out for a good week, and then... asked for another game.

Or just ramblings with no end point, like this one, (with a funny title) "Should is a bad word."

I can see both sides of most arguments the majority of the time. My husband is a notorious devils advocate as well, often prompting me to clarify "Is that how you really feel or are you just pointing out the other side?" during many of our conversations.

I will one day feel my opinions place me squarely on one side of a debate, only to have those opinions challenged immediately, leaving me feeling very wishy-washy, leaving that strange saying "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything" ringing in my brain.

I think the balance is to do our best, calmly. Breathe.

Sugar takes a lot of time in my brain. How addicted I am to it, how innate it is for us to love it, how it infiltrates our food from every direction. At one point it was good for our foraging selves to desire the healthful, sweet berries we would occasionally find. Now it's everywhere and our systems are on overload, leaving me worried about the little bodies whose well-being I'm responsible for.

I have to remind myself that we have to eat something, that even though I can find faults in all food options doesn't mean I need to.

Another was titled "Contradictions", from March of 2011.

Seth was rewarded yesterday and I'm not sure how I feel about it. When he is frustrated the thumb goes in, the arms cross, and he's not moving or talking anymore. The towel is thrown in. So sometimes, I'll admit, not sure what else to do, we walk on eggshells to not set him off, for fear of ruining an event, a day, a plan. I mean, we talk to him when he's calm about using his words, taking deep breaths, but that doesn't really help in the moment. Well, he's been asserting this passive aggresive response at school as well. Apparently sitting under a table when mad doesn't go over so well.

So his teacher set up a sticker chart for him.

Apparantly I couldn't finish articulating my contradictory thoughts on the sticker chart. I seem to remember it having something to do with him getting a prize, for essentially being difficult in class in the first place, in front of Thane, who has always been good in class and not awarded for the consistent good effort.

There are so many on sleep. Especially prevalent during Max’s prime no-sleep months. A time with lots of time for thinking and reflection, and so little focus to finish a thought. "Morning Musings" on April 9, 2011 reads simply,

Why are there morning people and not morning people? And why must I be the latter?.

And then there's this one, showcasing some quality indecisive tiredness.

Sleep... am I lazy because I nap, or am I healthier for napping, my body thanking me, a more sane and patient mother, helping my family by resting? Or do I really just suffer from lactic acid and a messy house for the nap, needing to go for a walk or fold laundry instead. Sleep-training for Max, is his lack of nap schedule good, caused by and aiding our busy family, or bad, causing even more chaos? 

I'll leave with you a few I decided to publish anyway, a bit retrofitted now but post's I thought were still good enough to stand on their own. It seemed such a shame to just delete them because I didn't have time to edit them at the time.

A post titled just Sleep.
Penning in Max.
'Just' the errands.
A poor me, Boring Mommy day.
And a newer post, Laundry Solace.

It's like six posts in one today folks! Enjoy!

Sleep

Sleep is a big topic. Especially if you're talking to a mom with a baby who is not letting her have much of it. Or to the Daddy of said baby for that matter.

Tonight, Max sleeps in his own room for the first time!

It's about time I think.

See, my parenting/baby sleep philosophy lies somewhere in the middle between the attachment parent co-sleepers and the schedule stickler let 'em cry-it-out-ers.

I royally screwed up Thane's sleep abilities. Again with my sympathies to the firstborn. I nursed and rocked him to sleep each nap and night, but forced him to sleep in his own crib, because I was told he was supposed to. I'm pretty sure he still has no idea how to put himself to sleep.

Max is still getting up, we're basically back to four hour stretches of sleep at best, nursing on and off seemingly all night at worst. He was really settling into a routine pre-Christmas, developing the beginnings of good sleep habits and routines on his own, before his eczema took over his little body and my brain. But then over the past few months while he's been feeling so miserable we've gotten into Max depending on me again for sleep, for night and naps.

In general, I follow babies lead and allow them to develop their own routines, nursing them whenever they want to nurse, picking them up whenever they cry. We're co-sleepers from the beginning for many reasons. I strongly believe in the benefits of babe and mom sleeping together. The mother-baby waking each other intermittently all night is actually important, something I don't think a lot of people realize. It gives baby a different kind of extra-nourishing night milk and promotes good milk production, by not taking an eight hour break. Sleeping together (and disturbing each other) causes mother to check on the baby throughout the night, and makes the baby practice putting themselves back to sleep that many more times a night.

In short though, at eight months old we've outgrown the goodness cosleeping was giving us, and both Max and I could be sleeping better if we were doing so apart. Even having his crib beside the bed, he knows I'm there. I'm pretty sure he can smell the milk, and he definitely senses us, no matter how quietly we try to sneak into bed or turn in the night. So it's time to get a sleep plan in action.

This is what I find works best for sleep training in our house. (When I feel like I need to do some kind of sleep training, which isn't always the case. Seth trained us really, he had sleep all figured out. Or sometimes we need it when something has changed, they've been sick or teething and we need a sleep schedule reboot.) I find their daytime naps have a lot to do with their quality of nighttime sleep, so I start with the naps routine. When baby seems ready, I begin to lay them down in their crib for a nap drowsy but awake, around semi-regular times, attempting to promote a routine and sometimes just to get them used to their crib. For me, this readiness depends on baby not panicking when you lay them down for a nap awake. There's a difference to me between small, intermittent pre-sleep fussing and full-blown baby panic, which I feel is not fair or warranted. (Something else I put my poor guinea-baby Thane through.) Then once they're napping routinely and comfortably in their own crib, I will start putting them to bed there at night as well, in their own crib and room. Usually they'll sleep there until they wake to nurse the first time, and then join me in my bed.

Although I'm crossing my fingers that without Troy and I so much as breathing and waking him up, the first time he wakes up will be considerably later in the night.

Hopefully it all goes that easy peasy with Max tonight! Wish him luck.