Happy Day

Tonight, Troy and I were working together on renovating the bathroom. After many months, it turns out there is a light at the end of our bathroom reno after all! It's now quickly looking like a vision realized. Thane surveyed it today after I had gunked out the reno clutter and sawdust, and said, "This is going to be a lot fancier bathroom. And it won't have that wall that keeps falling off!" It's true, the sad little bathroom we now occupy has a shower wall that is nailed up. It's served it's time. Who cares about fancy, we'll just take walls that stay stuck!

In our usual roles, Troy was installing something and I was painting. We had had an energetic, busy, fun, and productive day, had just put the kids to bed, and were putting in a couple hours on renos before we planned to settle onto the couch with some icecream. It reminded me of the first few months here at the house, when we were spending our evenings working upstairs on the kids rooms. At the time, Claire was about the age Max is now, and we were full of energy for this 'project house'. Max had not even been imagined yet. Fast forward to a couple years later, and I feel like we're getting our pace going again. With the onset of spring and sunny days our spirits and energy have lifted too.

At our last house it seemed to take about five years for it to really feel like our home, with our spaces truly adjusted to suit us the way we liked. We're almost three years in here, and I feel like I am starting to see spaces being carved out around us, signs of it becoming the home we've been hoping for, working towards, that my on again off again love affair with this house has been refueled. I remember standing with Carolyn on the landing at the top of the stairs here, before any of the inside work had began. What is now the boys room still had yellow walls and yellow carpet, flowered in maroon. It was the first time Carolyn had seen the house and she was excited about it with us. She loved the feel of the old house too. She said "In five years you'll think back on this and it will be amazing to see what you've done with it."

Today, even the tiny muses were on key. Pleasant and helpful, happy kids who liked each other. We slept in, we played, we cleaned and worked, ate yummy things. Thane and Seth are getting so good at their chores, or just better at not fighting about the chores, it makes me feel like we're doing something right. An encouraging pat on the back. They emptied and filled the dishwasher, gathered dirty clothes, emptied the compost bucket, took the garbage down, changed beds, Seth even went out to gather some reno garbage in a bag for me and Thane sorted laundry like I had just taught them the other day. It made me happy, mostly that they did it happily. All four kids must have played in a pile of blankets on the trampoline for an hour. Claire was even graced with a China snuggle, a feat for a kitty who's had a rough month. As Seth put it, she's recovered well but "still working on her braveness". They had turns getting rides on their little four-wheeler, and Thane and Seth practiced driving. This evening Thane, in an effort to get the little kids to bed so Troy could play a game with him, helped Claire with her jammies and brushing her teeth and read Seth a bedtime story.

This is my littlest helper in training. Doing his own laundry. (I'm expecting thank-yous from future wives.)

It was a day for the memory bank, a refreshing easy day to recall on those days that are difficult.

When I snuggle Max lately, he'll put his cheek on my shoulder, twist his fingers in my hair, and sigh, "Me happy."

A day like today, and that there seem to have been so many more of them lately, and closer together, makes me that Max sigh-worthy happy.

Serial casts

Another huge thing that I glossed over in January?

Seth had casts put on at the beginning of the month. In a nutshell, serial casts are another step like his braces to aid the range of motion in his ankles, reducing the over toned muscle, helping to keep his heel touching the ground, hopefully avoiding muscle-lengthening surgery and knee and hip, back problems later, etc. The casts, one on each calf and foot had to stay on for '5 sleeps'.

And this kid.

He thought it was very cool. How cool is that? Seth lapped it up as a chance to enjoy the day out as the center of attention, the life of the party, entertaining the staff and myself with his comic.

He could walk around in the casts later but had to wait two hours for them to harden, so was put in the world's tiniest wheelchair to get out of the centre to the van. He thought it was awesome, and looks at me with wide eyes and says, "Do we get to take this home?!" I couldn't help but laugh. Thane was with us and as we waited in the large entry way Seth chased him around, threatening to run him over. I had wished I'd had my camera with me, but it wasn't necessary. I can still see him. I had made him a new toque over the holidays (my first successful knit item by the way!), he was wearing it and had his two little red casts in this teensy wheelchair, Troy's black socks over his toes, wheeling around as fast as he could, him and Thane laughing their guts out.

His appointments always make me feel so lucky for the healthy children we have. That being in a wheelchair was a fun novelty. Our infrequent appointments are admist the child-size physio equipment Seth has no need for, full of straps for children who have little control over their muscles and much greater challenges dealt to them. The last time Seth was fitted for braces we watched an athletic looking teen test out a new leg, one built for running. Seth's barely perceivable, mild cerebral palsy seems like such a non-issue among these.

Seth made out well though, only slowing down on the last day. Unfortunately we only snapped a couple pictures just before taking the casts off, when he was anxious to be rid of them. He had developed a blister, they had warned us that was the worst that might happen. So that day we propped him up on the couch to be more still and told him he could be prince for the day, and if he needed anything just to ask. As I drank my tea snuggled up on the other end of the couch, he says in his best princely voice, eyelids fluttering, shoulders drawn up and hands folded on his lap, "So Queenie, what would you like to do today?". He cracks me up.

The best part is that the casts were very successful, follow-up measurements showing vast improvement, pushing his range into 'normal'! It seems his brain hasn't yet noticed the new capabilities his feet have, but that his range is that what Claire or Thane would have. He was sent home with walking on his heel exercises to do that will hopefully make those neurons connect. When his five sleeps were up we just had to peel the casts off.

Not to change the subject, but I want to show off the hat a little as well. It *only* took me three unsuccessful hats on the same pattern (too wide, too short, close but not quite - more like a yamaka than a toque) to get to this one, my first actual, more importantly finished, knit something. Although by the time I got to this one I had at least figured out how to switch colors for some lovely stripe action. So a couple more pictures in celebration of the hat and it's proud new owner. (The excitement of my kid being excited I had knit him something and proud to wear it was a high I had underestimated!)

Oh yes, one more thing. Notice those bottom teeth missing? Big boy growing here I tell you.

The quick Christmas recap

Christmas this year at our house ran right into January bustle... it's just now, mid-January, that I've had time to pause. Albeit late, I didn't want Christmas to go unmarked on here, so I thought I'd still recap anyway. Grab a tea, it's really a not-so-quick recap!

After a month of kids celebrations at the library, their school, Beavers and Cubs, we headed to Nova Scotia early to spend the holidays with Troy's family, squishing all of us into their home for ten days. Come Christmas morning there were eleven stockings hung on the chimney with care! Although they always love to see us come I'm sure they were glad to have some quiet and breathing room again when we drove off.

We went down the weekend before Christmas to make it to Troy's mom's family party there. The days flew by. We had such a jam packed week that we sat at the beginning of it to schedule our days (highly recomended). We fit everything in and had time to sit cozy and visit as well. We each did a little shopping (for me, things I had saved to pick up when we got to the 'big city', for Troy, more like his entire shopping list), visited with friends, cooked, crafted, and visited with each other. The kids went to Claytime (a pottery place for kids, where they pick out their piece, paint on their glazes and pick it up later after it's been fired) and they went to a movie with Grammie and their aunt Kaylea, something that's become a bit of a tradition when they get together, and this time Claire was big enough to go too!

We all went to see a Christmas Carol, a one man show that was amazing, funny and entertaining, and the way this actor could morph from one character to another was art. It was also a bit of an art keeping Claire and Max quiet, but it was really for us and the big boys. Seth rated the scariness factor of each ghost afterwards, Jake Marley won the prize with his grey face and chains. I clearly remember my parents taking us to the theatre when my sisters and I were little, how grand I felt and how exciting it was, getting dressed up and filing in to the fancy theatre, listening to the songs and watching the actors in the dark.

On Christmas eve I hadn't managed to fit in a visit yet with my sister and nephew, who also live in Halifax, so with my three boys (miss Claire needing some rest at home with Daddy), we got together for brunch and to visit the art gallery. I've been making a point of visiting galleries and openings more often since starting my job at the gallery here, picking up tips along the way, but mostly I didn't realize how seldom we took advantage of the cultural opportunities that surrounded us when we lived near the city, until of course they weren't so readily available anymore. Anyway, the gallery was a fantastic way to spend a Christmas eve morning. I can't find it on the AGNS site, but our favorite was an exhibit of hanging plants lined with sensors (invisible to us) that 'talked' to you. High pitched and aggravated little 'plant voices' if you moved aggressively, lower and melodious when you were gentle and slow. We could have played in that one exhibit for hours. There was one floor that offered a family booklet to accompany it, a sort of Where's Waldo of questions to help parents draw in the younger viewers. And the exhibit, Arboretum, a collection of tree art from over the ages, was pretty good, but the tree-table that accompanied it, with paper and pencils encouraging little ones to draw their own tree experiences, was fantastic! And there was the Maud Lewis exhibit to end it off, something about her intrigues little viewers. Maybe it's the colors, or her pint size real-life house on display in the gallery, or her own diminutive stature that seems so approachable to their little selves.

Then, Christmas morning was here with a blur of gift unwrapping, so many beautiful and thoughtful gifts that I think I'll do a few gifts posts this week. Everyone anxious to watch others open the gifts they had given, the kids throwing aside the clothes (a behaviour we're working on, the appropriate 'pause, smile, and appreciate' tactic), waffles and fruit and sausage for breakfast, a glorious turkey dinner in the afternoon, popping in to see Troy's grandmother and family on his father's side, and visiting a favorite aunt and uncle in the evening.

Boxing day we packed up the van, full to the gills, including the top carrier signifying our truely family vehicle (no cool left in our drive I tell you!), and drove the five hours home. To rest you think?

No.

Onward to second Christmas!!!

Boxing day evening was a family event at my grandmother's, Bestmaur to my kids and nephew and nieces. Gifts and dessert were a nice topping after the long drive.

The day after boxing day was our second Christmas, in New Brunswick with Grampie and Grammie here. As both of my sisters kids had spent true Christmas morning with their fathers, and we had been in Nova Scotia with Troy's family, my parents had declared Christmas at their house to happen on the 27th this year. It was perfect. We had saved our presents from them and to them under the tree at their house, as had they, and we drove over in our jammies when we woke up. We joined my sisters, my nephew and nieces, and my parents who had spent the night there and were just finishing up discovering their stockings. The gift opening commenced again and we had a cozy snowed in day in pj's, with crepes for breakfast and another afternoon turkey feast.

In the following few days we visited lots with my sister and nephew, their turn to be visitors from Halifax, had a sliding party at our house, complete with hot chocolate and warm milk afterwards, and another family party with wonderful munchies and cousins gift exchange followed, this time with my mom's family.

Needless to say, we rung in New Year's tucked soundly into our beds, no energy left to party one more time.

A New Year

A new year. A new day. Like everyday, a chance to wake up, be new, do better, live passionately, care deeply, learn more, speak gently.

But unlike anyday, the new year brings with it the pause for reflection.

2010 will be missed. It was a momentous year for me. I had a strong feeling of arrival this year. The realization this year that somewhere along the way I had stopped straining to figure out who I was and had just started being it. Not just tossing ideas around in my head about who I am, what I should do, should be, want to do, want to be. Just being. Being in the present. Still mindful and ever-questioning, but no longer straining.

Maybe it was the move to what I can only foresee as being our family home. Maybe it was getting a job that fulfills my childhood aspirations of what I thought I would be when I grew up. Maybe it was the birth of our fourth baby, and surely our last?

In 2010 I realized how much had happened in the last 10 years. From an 18 year old trying to be an adult, to the 28 year old who feels like I've actually got there. My 18 year old self would be shocked if I had seen what the next 10 years held for me. I may have ran screaming in the other direction.

7 addresses, 5 vehicles, 4 babies, two houses, and one degree. Our wedding. One miscarraige. 10 Jobs? Probably more. Two Vanier cups for Troy, and one degree as well.

In ten years, I've hosted at least 15 kids birthday parties and changed roughly 16000 diapers.

Wow. 16000 diapers?

We've attended at least six funerals, celebrated at least six weddings, and watched 2 family divorces unfold. Which feel like a death in the family. Illnesses and injuries, health and fun, losses and wins. Deadlines. Stress. Mistakes, learning, and growth. We've been through empty bank accounts and big payments. Celebrations and holidays.

We've watched first smiles, first steps, first falls, lost sleep over transitions, out of diapers, into big beds, out of naps, into school. We've watched understanding spark, words form, readers bloom.

And through all that, we're here. We sit cozy on a New Year's morning. It's peaceful. We're okay. Through the crazy rollercoaster of ups and downs, the rythmic and familiar merry-go-round cycles on. In hours, days, seasons and years.

I can't wait to see what I will have seen when I'm 38. What I will have done in ten more years.

It's awe-inspiring.

To quote a friend who quoted Longfellow this morning:
"Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear, and with a (wo)manly heart".

Onward to 2011.

I'm so excited to see what happens next.

Stay awake

Reason one million and one why I shouldn't worry about the items on the house list that stay undone longer than I would like.

These beautiful little visitors have appeared just outside our large playroom picture window, perfect for tea sipping and gazing on quiet mornings with my littlest two. Claire's pudgy little finger points and her eyes get big. Even Max notices them, swinging his arms, trying to aim his new grabbing abilities at these flittering little creatures. 

Why does this make me think of my unnecessary stress? The bushes the little birds are enjoying so much are supposed to be lawn by now. When we moved in last year this part of our lawn was turned into a moat surrounding our house while we replaced crumbly old stone basement walls. A moving in/reno winter, busy career spring and a pregnant summer followed, then a fall with a newborn and still no raking and seeding was accomplished to turn the pile of dirt back into lawn. This item on the list has drove me crazy. 

And now these little birds bring me peace. Little birds who wouldn't be here if not for the undone 'to-do'. 

There's a song they've been singing at church throughout Advent that's stayed with me lately. "Stay awake, be ready, you do not know the hour that the Lord is coming."

These little moments are the Lord coming. You have to be awake to notice them. The little voices talking to you in the middle of the bustle. The small bits of beauty surrounding us. All gifts.

I love this conversation between Shug and Celie in The Color Purple. It changed my view on religion and my spirituality. God doesn't have to be a he, or a puppetteer above us. God is in us, surrounding us, flowing between us, embodied in nature.

"I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it.

What it do when it pissed off? I ast.

Oh, it make something else. People think pleasing God is all God care about. But any fool living can see it always trying to please us back. ...Everything want to be loved. Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You ever notice that trees do everything to git attention we do, except walk? ...Whenever you trying to pray, and man plop himself on the other end of it, tell him to get lost, say Shug. Conjure up flowers, wind, water, a big rock."

Or conjure up birds. And sweet little people.

Present planning

Alright, Halloween is over, let's skip right to Christmas.

I'm trying to be on the ball and have been making my list this week of what I plan to give this year.

I had something, or multiple somethings to decide between, right off the top of my head for mostly everyone on my list. Things they would like and enjoy. Except for two very important little people. Two of my own little people.

My big boys.

I'm trying to buy non-clutter presents for everyone on my list, things that will actually be useful and loved and not just stuff, especially for my own kids. Because clutter they receive has to stay in our house! And I'm trying to buy more environmentally friendly, good for all of us presents. Less plastic, mostly just less in general. I also believe in the Waldorf ideals that children deserve and appreciate beautiful things and natural materials, toys that are healthier for them and encourage their connection with the earth and natural world around them, toys that provide a calming sensory experience. Check out this article on what makes a Waldorf toy. "Yes, these kinds of toys are good for the environment, but most importantly, they are good for children!"

For Claire and Max I have several cute ideas of simple, beautiful toys that I think they will really enjoy. Some things for me to make even.

But the big boys? Ugh..

Issue number one? What do they NOT have? They are very fortunate to have many people who love them, and to have received many gifts over the years. Our house is filled with toys of every kind. I actually have a roomful of extra toys all bagged up right now. Toys I don't want to get rid of, but that I have to figure out some sort of system of storing to cycle through or something. The kids noticably even play better when not surrounded by the chaos.

I left out their favorites, and my favorites because they encourage imagination and co-play and creativity. Lego, figures, a few dinos and animals and cars. Dress up clothes. Books, lots of books. And video games of course. We're pretty well stocked there too! I tried to keep out just a few of everything, an amount everyone is capable of maintaining some sort of order with. We're working hard on teaching the littles of our house some housekeeping skills right now.

I dunno. I also want them to be excited and feel treasured on Christmas morning. Each year we get them the new fad that they want, or more of something they already have. For Thane's birthday in September for instance, he received these Battle Brawlers, essentially spinning tops that knock each other over. He really wanted them, they were this season's new thing, the equivilant to our 'marbles' recess game, they were not in the least expensive and he was super pleased to receive them. But now they sit. Already.

I'm not blaming Thane, it's the cycle of the next big thing, the consumerism, the waste, the excess. All big topics I want to teach, but in a balanced way, not at the expense of my kids, especially on their Christmas morning. I don't want them to feel slighted because Mommy and Daddy have environmental agendas they likely don't understand, or at least understand the connection to their presents. I don't want them to feel let down or resentful, I want them to feel special and excited Christmas morning. But I honestly can't think of a single thing to get them that's not just stuff.

It's a dilemma we're furtunate to be faced with, but still a dilemma.
One thought I had was for Santa to bring us all snowshoes. Something that would enable memories, family time, encourage outdoor time connecting with the nature that surrounds us.

But I could totally see them not seeing the excitement there.

If you were an eight year old boy would you be totally pissed off if Santa brought you snowshoes?

I've got some thinking to do.

Trick or Treat!

Or 'chock a chock', as Claire put it.

This is what Halloween was made of at our house this year.

Pikachu and Monster Face pumpkins.

Two Clone Troopers. Commander Cody and Captain Rex.

One extra twirly Tinkerbell. Complete with big blue eyes.

And one very cute Peter Pan.

When combined with an elementary school Halloween dance, a beavers/cubs Halloween party, a library story hour Halloween party and one gymnastics party, all before the big event itself? That's a lot of use out these costumes this year.

There was already talk of what they'll be next year. 

For the Record.

I love Halloween. Maybe it's the NSCAD-er in me (Art and design students made Halloween a real event! One Medusa in particular stands out in my mind.), but it's one of my favorite times of the year. 

This year though, I've kinda sucked.

Admitting I was overextended (new baby, renovations, everyday chaos!) I opted to skip major Halloween creativity this year. My kids don't care. They're blissfully rocking their Star Wars costumes. (Seth ripped up the dance floor last night at their school dance. Cutest moves EVER!) It's just me really. The pride in 'I made that' and 'My baby's so cute' and having really great original costume ideas.

Not to mention after a year of pregnancy and then moving on to breastfeeding, I could really go for a night out at a great Halloween party.

But I look at the great big sweet cheeks on my breastfed babe and conceed that Halloween will happen again next year, and the year after that, and the year after that. I only get to enjoy this newborn right now, this year. I don't want a night out badly enough to do bottles and formula, or pumping for that matter.

For the record though?

I had great costume ideas for our little group.

Great costume idea #1: Peter Pan
Claire could be Tinkerbell, Thane go out as Captain Hook, Seth as Peter Pan, and Max? The alligator. Another idea starred Claire as Tinkerbell and my boys as the Lost Boys. (With the cute little forest costumes ~ a raccoon, a fox, a skunk ~ they wore in the Disney movie.)

Great idea #2: Where the Wild Things Are
Max would be Max, King of the Wild Things, and the others, The Wild Things. Cool costume possibilities here. Not to mention they would play their parts well! Wild Ruckus' happen daily at our house!

#3: The good old Star Wars theme
So many options. The boys and I were brainstorming a homemade R2D2 for Seth, or maybe he would play the role of mister Luke Skywalker himself, Thane was pondering C3PO until he came up with General Grievous, Claire Yoda (mostly because the boys thought that would be hilarious), and Max, Chewbacca. Which I thought would be hilarious. Oh, and this one included Mommy as Princess Leia (Of course, who doesn't want to be Princess Leia at least once in their life? Not the sexy slave Leia though, the normal Leia would do just fine!) and Daddy as Darth Vader.

And #4, my personal favorite: Alice in Wonderland
Mommy as Alice, and the kids all the characters from Wonderland. The Cheshire Cat (Max), the White Rabbit (Seth), and the Mad Hatter (Thane). I feel like I fell down the rabbit's hole some days! Oh yes, we thought Claire would make a great Queen of Hearts. I'm sure her pre-language shrieks could be roughly translated to "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!".

100th post!

This is my 100th post, so I feel like I have to write something spectacular about something really significant.

But all I have are bits about the kids.

That's perfect.

*     *     *

This week, Seth lost his first tooth. We were visiting Troy's parents in Nova Scotia. He came running in from the living room, holding his tooth high in the air, so excited to show us. I can't believe I have TWO big boys.

Today in the van, Seth, my new kindergardener, was telling me the sounds different letters make. He's so proud of himself, finally gaining admittance into this world of letters and reading that his brother is so good at now. "G says Guh. P goes Puh." he says. Then he laughs, "Ha ha, pee." Boys.

*     *     *

Thane is excited about something!

This is the boy who we have to force into everything. Joiner he has never been. Thane is, has always been, the one who wants to stay home, the first to argue, and the first to list what he hates about something. That sounds extremely unpleasant, he's really not, but definitely introverted he is.

At two, I signed Thane up for mom and baby gymnastics. We quit half way through the season, it wasn't worth the fight. We've made him take swimming lessons for the last 6 years (we believe everyone needs to be a good swimmer), he just started liking them last year, once he became a good swimmer. Last winter, he wanted to take basketball. He hated it. He actually sat down in the middle of a game once. I was really glad it was me there, Troy (the athlete parent) would have died a thousand deaths. A few years ago, we made him take skating lessons and see out the season (another skill we thought important, we're Canadian dammit!), he hated those too. But now he knows how to skate and loves free skate at the arena. We've decided it really is in his best interest to keep pushing him, it usually turns out for the best. 

But you know what? Thane loves Cub Scouts! This week, week three of scouts I think, he was dressed and ready to go a half hour early. He has to go sell apples tomorrow, and he's pumped about it! He has his first project this week, to find and label six leaves, and he's so excited to do it.

I'm so glad.

*     *     *

And this. So we forgot Claire's beloved blankie in Nova Scotia at Grammie and Grampy Hutt's house. It was a sad thing. Luckily, Grammie mailed it quickly. This is the reunion. Claire didn't know whether to be happy or cry! (Sorry about the sideways view, I forgot you can't rotate a video like you can a photo!)

*     *     *

And hence the name of my blog, I'll wrap up my first 100 posts with tiny muses on daily life, inspired by my own personal tiny muses. Happy 100th post to me!

Thanksgiving

Upcycled wool pumpkins!

This year, I give thanks for:

• My sweet smelling new boy. More to love.
• My amazing, supportive, family-focused, intelligent, entertaining, hard-working hottie husband.
• My other three bambinos. The thinker, the lovey, the comedian.
• Living in a blessed place. Full of beauty and natural riches, graced with peace and plenty to eat. My family is safe and fortunate.
• Our health.
• Our loved ones. Our big crazy families. We are lucky to have so many people who love us so much.
• For getting to grow up and have everything I ever wanted.